“A man either lives life as it happens to him, meets it head-on and licks it,
or he turns his back on it and starts to wither away.”
Even as children, we often fantasize about Death. We learn from what we see,
and from what we learn from our parents. Usually, it all ends with religion. The
same they were taught with, and where we land if we were to sin. What they have
learnt, came from their parents, and their parent’s parents. It is all handed out,
generation to generation. All to the young ones. So, our parents are not to blame,
and certainly not the children when they see queers as a part of that ‘sin’. Why?
Why don’t they open up their minds a bit? Widen their knowledge? Oh, oh, I will
tell you W H Y. The reason is so simple yet so complex all the same.
F E A R.
Fear of the unknown, fear of a God that will put them to a place full of suffering if
they do not comply with His rules. As a once-Catholic, and a once-Muslim, I have
gone through every teaching the Bible and the Qu’ran have to offer. It is because of
the teachings given by their parents and these beliefs that they have faltered in loving
their own children. Just because of their sexual orientation and or gender identification?
I have witnessed my own friends kicked out by their own homes, by their own parents
because they feel romantically towards the same sex, or have a different gender identification
aside from the one they were assigned to by birth. As one of the Vulcans described God,
“If this is your God, he’s not very impressive. He’s got so many psychological problems;
he’s so insecure. He demands worship every seven days. He goes out and create faulty
humans and then blames them for His own mistakes. He’s a pretty poor excuse for a supreme
being.” Vulcan, being one of the beings in the well-known science fiction Star Trek.
But this is not about religion. As a secular group, our focus is more on the pressing issues
found within our community and not religious affinities. Today, I will be discussing about
Fear and what it has done to us, to our family, to our parents, and to the entire human race.
What was passed on to our parents, that knowledge, was passed on to us. Etiquette, beliefs,
love of films, books, instruments, fascinating stories that let us go ‘ooohh’ and ‘aahh’ at every
twist and turn of those words, and finally, sermons and lectures that have deeply implanted itself
into the crevices of our hearts and minds. I often remember the lectures of my own father when
it comes to using intellect. He always said to ‘It’s all right to be brash if you have the brains for
it.’ And it’s something that I have taken into my very life, seeing that I don’t have much of the
intellect. My sister got it all. Lucky bastard.
Rounding back to my own topic, it is the fear of the unknown and the EMBEDDING that got
them hating on all these ‘poor homosexuals’. Embedding, where they got used to a certain
routine they no longer wish to change it. They are scared of what happens when something
changes. Well, that goes for fear of the unknown and fear of change. After all, change is
pretty scary. But, as nothing is permanent, change is also inevitable. Constant. Ever turning
in this cycle of life. Change occurs whether we like it or not, and the one thing I know about
Humanity, about us, is that we are NEVER ready. No one is. All we have to do is be prepared.
Be it death, be it change, be it your new house, or your new friends ( well, they seem pretty
suspicious to me, reader. I suggest you pick a new group. That lonely girl seems like a good
bet. ) you must be prepared for the worst.
The old generations, our grandma and grandpa, our mothers and fathers, they were taught what
they passed on to us. And honestly? It’s not really their fault they got used to one thing and held
on it so firmly they refused to let go. That idea settled nicely in their head, and taking it away or
just CHANGING it will confuse them more. So, what you have to do, is educate them. Nicely.
Politely. Patiently. The effort itself yields its’ own rewards.
I mean, putting this as an example, my own mother CRIED when I told her that I’m a trans male.
She cried, and cried, and I explained and explained. Let her process all the information I’m
feeding her. All she understood at that point was that I’m a lesbian, and I chuckled each time
she did. But in time, she finally got it. She realised that me being born this way wasn’t a choice. I’ve been this way since I started walking. ( I mean c’mon. Compared to my sister’s dolls that
I frequently behead, I always choose the guns and robots and the remote-c o n t r o l l e d
monster cars. Oh yeah, and the green foot soldiers too. And boxing with my cousin.) She can’t
use the proper pronouns with my father around, but it was well worth it. It was like, this
incredibly heavy anchor on my thin chest got lifted and I got more room to breathe. I wasn’t
living a lie anymore. Me mum accepted me for who I am, ( and for the record, she said she
was just happy I’m not doing any drugs even if I look like I’m snorting cocaine every Friday
night if I’m not stealing purses. Which I’m not. I just look like one, I promise you. ) and she’s
more open with me, y’know? Like, the other day, she asked me if I was seeing someone. And
I said no. ( Hey reader, if y’wanna know me, just find me in our facebook group! c; ) And well,
she said she can’t imagine me being with a woman. Parents, huh?
But what if, for example, the child was thrown out of their own home by their own parents?
Well, anger is deeply rooted to sadness. People do bad things when they’re angry. That
doesn’t mean you have to stop loving them. Or stop teaching them. The truth is, they need
more guidance than you. Because you just took them to a whole new world and they have
no tourist. Confused, sad and regretful, it is now your job to educate them. Even if it means
you have to go through several verbal abuse. But if it’s physical or mental, just… don’t. My main
point is that all of this takes time. And for them, well, it takes a huge amount of time for them to
understand. Or perhaps, for others, their parents already knew, and they were simply waiting for
their own child to confess to them. Either way, coming out is something you have to think of way
ahead of time. Plan your pros and cons if you have really strict parents. If they’re pretty lax, well,
be like me and just be spontaneous. Buy them some ice cream, treat ‘em nice that week,
smile at them, tell them you love them no matter what, and well, tell them by the end of
the same week. Or not. It’s on you.
Maybe you could just tell them that hey, at least you’re not into cults or drugs. You’re just
into the same sex or both, y’know? Might work. Might not. Expect a lot of crying mothers and
Take the time, always take the time, to muster enough courage to tell your parents. Even if
it takes twenty, thirty, years?
Who cares. Just make sure they’re still alive. Or maybe not.
It’s your call, man. Don’t look at me. I’m just saying, take your time. If anyone pressures
you into coming out, don’t listen to them.
What you have to teach your parents, is that there’s more colours out there than just
pink and blue. There will always be fear, and the reaction to that fear might be more, or less,
but expect harsh words. For the world is a cruel one and therefore, created harsher
creatures made to adapt to such an environment. Do not fight fire with fire. It will only
ignite a bigger explosion than the ones you have started with. Instead, fight harshness
with kindness. Just because you are kind does not mean you are weak and soft. It means
you have seen the worst in all of the world, yet still remain humane within it all. It takes a
lot to stay such in this kind of world, and THAT is being strong.
All I’m asking, is that you remain civil when explaining. Even if it’s not to your parents.
If they’re insulting you, walk away. At least you’ve got the moral upperhand.
Give people a second chance.
By Chris Eusebio.